Hello Everyone,

Hope you all are doing well. In my last three posts, I talked about three habits of being effective. There is no such rule that you have to be perfect in 1^st habit and then move on to 2^nd habit and so on, it is with the time you will get better with each and every habit. But keep in mind that 1^st three habits, Habit 1, Habit 2 and Habit 3 will make you an independent individual. But life is not only about achieving independence it is also about achieving effective interdependence. We will see that effective interdependence can only be achieved by truly independent people. So, the first three habits will help you in achieving effective independence. And, habits 4, 5 and 6 work together to create effective interdependence. Let’s now focus on our next habit, Habit 4 which is ‘Think Win/Win.’

What is Win/Win

Imagine yourself in a business meeting, here you have to make a deal with a company with which you have never negotiated before. What kind of strategy you will apply to interact with them? Will you think of all your profit and other’s company loss? Do you think it will work that way? I think we all know that it won’t work that way, we have to think about their profit too. Otherwise, you might have to face loss for both the companies.

This is what win-win is about, it is not a technique; it is a philosophy of human interaction. To understand it better, let’s understand six paradigms of interaction.

1. Win/Win- This paradigm seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. According to this paradigm, my win is not at the expense of your lost. It is based on a belief that there is plenty for everybody. In win/win interaction, all parties feel good about the decision made. It is a way of collaboration, not competition.
2. Win/Lose- This paradigm says, “If I win, you lose.” It is based on competition. Most of us are deeply scripted in this mentality since our childhood. One of the reasons for this being, grading systems in schools, which gives importance to the competition. Individuals are not evaluated on the basis of their own capabilities but on the basis of the incapabilities of others. Another powerful force is our family. Sometimes love in the family is based on conditions. And whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn love, the message communicated to them is that they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. This way children are programmed in the win/lose mentality. They start to think that they have to be better than their siblings, their classmates to get love from their parents.
3. Lose/Win- “I lose, you win,” “Step on me again. Everyone does that,” “I am a loser, I have always been a loser,” “I am a peacemaker. I will do anything to keep the peace” have ever heard these lines? These are common among people who think lose/win. People who think lose/win are quick to please and appease. They do not have the courage to express themselves and easily get intimidated by the strength and ego of others. But people who think this way bury their emotions a lot, and buried emotions are still alive. Sooner or later, they will call off the relationship or these emotions will come out in uglier ways.
4. Lose/Lose- Some people are so much centred on their enemies, that they want their enemy to lose. Even if it means their loss. This happens especially when two stubborn and ego-invested individuals interact.
5. Win- People who think this way think only of their win. They are only worried about securing their own place, getting what they want and leaving others to secure theirs.
6. Win/Win or No Deal- Suppose while interacting in a business meeting you realized that there is no way in which two companies can negotiate which will benefit both of them, then what you will do? Most probably you will have no deal. This is what this paradigm is about. No deal means that if we cannot find a solution that would benefit both of us, we agree to disagree- No deal.

Which one is the best?

Now, the question which arises is, which one of them is the best? Frankly, there is no such thing as the best option, because it depends on the situation. Suppose there is a quiz competition which you won, this means that other team lost. You could not apply any other paradigm here. Sometimes, you value your relationship, and you think this little thing does not matter a lot, so you go for the lose/win paradigm. Overall, we can say that it depends on the situation.

But, most of the situations are the part of an interdependent reality, and in these cases especially in the long term, win/win is the only alternative which can work effectively.

Win/lose is not viable, because I get my way this one time, but in the long term, this might affect our relationship. My short-term win will be our long term lost. Same is the case with lose/win, you may get your way one time, but would I be able to do that again? I might feel anxious and distressed about it in the long term.

And, if I am focusing on my win only and not even bothered about your point of view, then there is actually no space for a productive relationship. Lose/Lose is no at all viable in any context.

So, we can conclude that win/win is the best alternative when it comes to long term interdependent realities.

How to think of Win/Win solution?

If you have been programmed in one certain paradigm, then it might become difficult to think of a win/win solution. But the author, Stephen R. Covey has suggested some steps with the help of which you can seek win/win solutions. Let’s have a look at these steps-

1. First, you have to separate the person from the problem. The focus should be on interest and not on positions.
2. Second, try to see the problem from the other point of view.
3. Third, identify key issues and concerns.
4. Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.
5. And then, identify possible new options to achieve these results.

And with this, I will end this long post. I hope you will find this post helpful. All the insights are from the book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,’ if you think you want to learn more about these, then definitely give this book a read. In the book, the author has not only talked about personal relationships but also how we can use win/win paradigms in our workplace.

I will see you in the next post with the 5^th habit, till then keep celebrating life.

With Love,

Komal

Tangled Tourista

Tangled Tourista is an online diary, which is about travel, food and books. Here you will read about book reviews and suggestions, tested travelling tips and about new cafes and restaurants around and their reviews.